Question by : Any constructive criticism on my story?
I want to put this into the school literary magazine. What do you think? It’s not my best work, but I wanted to put something in that wouldn’t crush my dreams if it didn’t get in. I really need tips for the ending, but any comments are appreciated! Thank you!
Don’t Let Me See
It had to be done.
“Just jump so we can get this over with!” shouted a voice from down below.
She groaned. Everyone else had already jumped, and they were all anxious to go do something else.
“Come on, just do it!”
She took a deep breath. As she peered over the edge, she could see the pavement, looking
like a soft gray blanket underneath the pairs of expectant feet.
She jumped. The chilling air was crisp and clear for a second until she hit the ground. She heard a snap and then a collective intake of breath.
“Dude, I think she broke her leg.”
Great.
* * *
“What happened to your leg?”
“I broke it, Duffy.”
“Do only big girls break their legs?”
“No, Duffy,” she said with an exasperated sigh. “Little girls can break their legs too.”
“I want to break my leg, Drew,” Duffy announced. “That way we can be the same!”
Drew looked startled. “Duffy, don’t you dare go and try to break your leg,” she ordered. “It’s stupid.”
Duffy looked puzzled for a moment. She wrapped her golden curls around her finger. She finally asked, “Why did you do it?”
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“Yes I would!” Duffy protested.
“It’s just that some people made me do something dumb, and I got hurt for it,” Drew explained.
“How did they make you do it?” Duffy asked.
“Well…they didn’t make me, I guess,” Drew said. “I suppose it was more of a general consensus.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I decided to do it,” Drew said. “But I shouldn’t have.”
“Why did you want to do it?”
“I guess because I wanted to be cool.”
“I think you’re cool with your cast on,” Duffy said, placing her tiny hand on Drew’s leg.
“You’re the only one, then,” Drew sighed.
* * *
As Drew came into the house the next day, she caught sight of Duffy watching TV with her leg up on a pillow. It was covered in hot pink plaster.
“Duffy!” Drew screamed. She hobbled over to inspect the bulky mess that was her sister’s leg.
“You were right, Drew,” Duffy said with a scowl. “Breaking your leg is not cool.”
“What did you do?” Drew asked.
“I jumped off my bunk bed,” Duffy explained. “It was really fun until I hit the floor.”
“That was stupid.”
“Yes it was,” Duffy agreed. “Next time you do something stupid, don’t let me see.”
“I won’t,” Drew promised.
She would never let her see.
Best answer:
Answer by nedoj89
i like it
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